ROB Talk
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: R.O.B. gets his own talk show. Who will come on? What will happen? You'll have to tune in to find out!
1. ROB Talk

_Live from Super Mario Sunshine's Delfino Plaza in Isle Delfino... it's R.O.B. Talk, wih your host, the gray colored robot himself, the Robotic Operation Buddy!_

R.O.B. raised his gray metal arms as he received a huge applause from the audience, with most of them eager to see him as he got to his oddly rainbow colored desk, an empty mug present with his face present on it.

"Hello, my fellow viewers. And welcome to the first edition of R.O.B. Talk," R.O.B. stated as he took a glance of Delfino Plaza in the background, sighing. "The view is beautiful from here, isn't it? I managed to convince Master Hand to hot wire me here."

"Don't think you're getting off easy, R.O.B.! It costed me twenty dollars to do this, so I'm taking it out of your paycheck!" Master Hand shouted as he appeared for a brief moment, then teleported away.

"...Quite. Yes." R.O.B. remarked as he took another look at his rainbow desk. "Anyone want to tell me why my desk is shoddy and is colored like a rainbow?"

"Because it's gay, like you!" Dark Pit scoffed as he had his arms crossed, being across the robot.

R.O.B. sighed as he turned to the audience. "And I welcome you all to our first guest... Dark Pit."

Booing was heard from the crowd as they did not like Dark Pit, who scoffed as he made himself comfortable on the chair, snorting as a way to disgust the audience on purpose. R.O.B. simply shook his head in disappointment.

"So, what do you have to contribute to the first episode of my new show?" R.O.B. asked as he then looked around for a blue card to pick up cues on.

"This!" Dark Pit remarked as he pulled out a microphone from his right black wing and burped loudly into it, disgusting the audience as he simply laughed, giving them the middle finger right afterwards. "All of you losers are wasting your brain cells on this! I'm just here because any publicity is good publicity!"

"...Are you sure you aren't the spawn of Tabuu himself...?" R.O.B. asked cautiously as he began charging up his laser.

Dark Pit rolled his eyes at the robot. "Please! Tabuu wishes he could be as edgy as me!" He then began picking his nose, pulling out a big booger and chucking it right at R.O.B., laughing as the audience was grossed out.

R.O.B. hovered above his table, firing a giant laser at Dark Pit, which burnt the edgy angel to a crisp as the audience cheered, with R.O.B. having somehow burning out the booger that was chucked at him.

"That's all we have for today's episode. Tune in next time where we hopefully get a better guest," R.O.B. sighed off as the lights dimmed down, the audience still clapping.


	2. In Which ROB Yaps On

"So what's the context behind those cookies?" Ganondorf asked R.O.B. as he pointed at the plastic bucket containing several sugar cookies.

R.O.B. glanced at the sugar cookies sitting on his rainbow desk, then glanced at Ganondorf, with Delfino Plaza still in the background. "Oh, these cookies? There's a story behind them. You see, it all started earlier..."

R.O.B. told his long, intricate tale to Ganondorf, who began to snore as he couldn't tolerate listening to this rather mundane tale. R.O.B. finished as he opened his eyes again, moving his metal arms back up.

"...And that's how I convinced Master Hand to form the Super Smash Brothers." R.O.B. completed his tale as he noticed Ganondorf snoring loudly. "Uh... Ganon? You there?"

Ganondorf was so into his slumber, the King of Evil slouched out of the comfy chair and landed on the floor, drooling on the stage as he kept on snoring.

"...Well, I guess we will never find out what Ganondorf wanted to tell us about his doughnuts," R.O.B. stated as he faced the camera. "_D'oh I_ _missed_ that opportunity. _Nuts._"

"**Hey-a!** That's MY catchphrase, you dumb friggin' robot!" Wario exclaimed angrily as he ran on the stage and gave R.O.B. a shoulder bash, breaking the rainbow table apart as he towered over the injured robot.

R.O.B. turned his robotic head around, facing Wario as he fired a huge laser that turned Wario into a pile of ashes. R.O.B. tried getting up, turning his head around as he returned to his normal state, with Petey Piranha flying down onto the stage, flapping his big green colored leaves.

"R.O.B., there is something important I need to tell you!" Petey boomed in the voice of Charlie Adler, landing as he slapped his leaves on his giant red head. "I went to check up on Dr. Mario, and the results came in..."

R.O.B. glanced at the mutated Piranha Plant oddly as he wasn't so sure on what Petey was going on about. After several seconds of silence, the plant spoke up again.

"...R.O.B., _you are pregnant._" Petey stated as he lowered his leaves, shaking his head.

R.O.B.'s eyes increased slowly as a dramatic sting played in the background, with it being absolutely shocking.


	3. ROB Can't Pick Up A Card

R.O.B. faced the camera as he raised his metal arms. "It gives me great pleasure... no, it's a great honor to introduce two guests very close to me. Please put your non robotic hands together for Mr. Dry Bowser and Ms. Toadette!"

The audience clapped as Dry Bowser and Toadette walked onto the set of the talk show, with Toadette blowing kisses to the audience as Dry Bowser rolled his eyes in response, both of them sitting down in the comfy sofas in front of R.O.B.'s desk as Toadette farted out a cute little poot.

"Oh my! Excuse me!" Toadette giggled as she fanned her right hand near her butt.

"Oh brother." Dry Bowser dryly remarked while rolling his eyes.

"...Right." R.O.B. commented as he tried picking up his blue cue card, but was having a bit of trouble due to his metal arms not being as flexible.

"Do you need help?" Dry Bowser stated as he watched R.O.B. fail to pick up the card.

"No, I got this." R.O.B. responded as he continued to struggle in his strive to get the card up. "Come on... damn it..."

"Um..." Toadette remarked as she tilted her head to the right.

"No! Leave this to me. I got it." R.O.B. responded as he was close to picking up the card, but dropped it, his eyes turning red with rage.

Dry Bowser and Toadette looked at each other as they blinked, turning back to R.O.B. as he fell off his chair, growling as he got back up and blasted at the card with a fully charged laser, leaving a big dent in the rainbow colored desk.

"The card was useless shit, anyway." R.O.B. grumbled as he looked back up at Dry Bowser and Toadette. Clearing his throat, he responded, "Oh, right. How are you two folks?"

"...Fine. Yeah." Toadette remarked a bit nervously as she rubbed her right arm, wondering if R.O.B. got this angry.

"What was that all about?" Dry Bowser stated as he leaned on his chair.

R.O.B. sighed as he closed his eyes, tilting his head downward. "It's not easy being a robot. Can't even pick up a fucking card."

Awkward silence as the audience was silent. Toadette touched her fingertips together while Dry Bowser rubbed his boney chin with his skeletal right hand, wondering if it was the time to leave.

"We'll be right back... I hope..." Silver The Hedgehog stated as he appeared on the stage to comfort the Robotic Operating Buddy, with Dry Bowser and Toadette not really having anything to comment on.


	4. Dry Bowser Explains Himself

"Welcome back to R.O.B. Talk," R.O.B. greeted as he was still trying to pick up the blue card, sighing in disappointment. "I can't be able to pick up this stupid thing."

"Here." Dry Bowser stated as he picked up the card for the robot.

"...thank you DB. Anyway," R.O.B. stated as he faced the camera. "Dry Bowser is back, along with a new guest. He's the one who has been keeping the sanity checked at the Smash Mansion. Please welcome Lucario!"

Lucario waved to the camera as the audience cheered, with it being vibrant and sunny in Isle Delfino.

"So anyway, Dry Bowser, I hear that you can do all sorts of things," R.O.B. stated as he glanced at the skeletal reptilian.

Dry Bowser nodded as he folded his arms. "Well, yes, it is true. I've been a good guy, a bad guy, helping people on both sides... I'm as neutral as you can get."

"So you're just living life your way?" Lucario interrupted as he moved his hands around.

Dry Bowser glanced at Lucario, nodding. "You could say that. For the record, I've helped more good folks than bad, and those good folks are the ones who need more help."

"So I see." R.O.B. stated as he raised his metal arms. "Just one question... your debut in NSMBDS, the original first New Super Mario Brothers on the original Nintendo DS... was that actually you?"

"No. It was my idiot fleshy relative, Bowser." Dry Bowser stated as he cleared his throat. "I existed way before, but publicly, that was the first time my image appeared... in a certain world beyond this. In any case, I made my true debut as my actual self in Mario Kart Wii."

"That explains a lot," Lucario stated as he was remembering how it was possible for Bowser and his skeleton to be separate at the same time.

"Yes, well we here appreciate you coming forth and answering this." R.O.B. stated as he turned to Lucario. "And how about you, Luke? How do you do it?"

"It's simple, really." Lucario stated as he closed his eyes, getting into position. "Just keeping calm and focusing. I use my aura to snap others out of crazy tendencies."

"...So I see." R.O.B. stated as he dropped his card, sighing. "Oh for God's sake... you know, I'm wondering if I should just stick with reading the prompter."

"That might help." Dry Bowser and Lucario stated in unison as Silver The Hedgehog came onto the stage, whispering to R.O.B.

"Already? Well, all right." R.O.B. sighed as he faced the camera. "We'll be right back after the commercials."

"Don't be surprised if you see me in them," Dry Bowser stated as he popped his boney head onto the camera, sharing viewing space with R.O.B. as the show briefly faded to black.


	5. David Letterman Gives Some Robotic Tips

"So great to have you two here," David Letterman stated to R.O.B. and Dry Bowser. "Now, I have to ask... who is the skeleton?"

Everyone had a hearty laugh. Except Dry Bowser, he found that joke to be a bit _dry._

"Really, Dave? Come on." Dry Bowser sighed as he placed his right boney hand on his skeletal face, shaking his head. "At least _try_ and be more witty."

"Aha, I see what you did there, DB, and I love it." Dave stated as he turned to R.O.B. "So, you have your own talk show?"

"Yes, and it's called R.O.B. Talk." R.O.B. stated as he moved his metal arms up and down and all around at the speed of sound. "Any tips for an up and coming talk show host of age?"

Dave smirked as he patted R.O.B. on the head. "Just go with the flow, play around with your crew and guests, and just have fun with it."

"...that sounds quite helpful." R.O.B. remarked in his robotic tone.

"It would also help if you didn't act so robotic," Dave stated with a smirk as the audience laughed.

R.O.B. nodded his head as he understood the joke, although he didn't have to laugh at it necessarily.

* * *

"...and that's what brings us to tonight's segment." R.O.B. stated as he was back on his set overlooking Delfino Plaza, a bunch of blue cards piled up behind him. "To wish David Letterman good luck, on wherever he goes, for tonight was the last time his time as the Late Show host is over."

"I still don't get what that has to do with drama!" Silver The Hedgehog remarked angrily as he was cleaning up the rainbow colored desk, obviously not getting that it was quite dramatic, on the account of David Letterman leaving his talk show.


	6. ROB Recommends

"So a lot of you have been requesting me to go and list these following stories for people to read..." R.O.B. spoke up as he looked at the monitor. "And I shall. Starting with (NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD)-"

_Several Minutes Later..._

"...and that's all for the plugged stories." R.O.B. finished as he rolled his metal arms around. "So, let me tell you guys my visit to Hollywood. It was grand, quaint, and a bit more quieter than I imagined. But then again, it was just too hot for regular folks to be out. I've been modified to withstand intense heat. After all, I've fought on the lava stages Norfair and Brinstar without melting. Anyway, things were all right, I took a visit to Universal City and the original Disneyland... they're a place of legacy."

"Speaking of legacy, you really think we should be posting this update so late?" Silver The Hedgehog stated while holding up one of the cameras. "A good portion of our audience would be snoozing by now."

"Well, the entire world isn't always awake... or sleeping." R.O.B. replied as he turned his head to the camera, the beautiful view of Delfino Plaza in the back swooping all around the tropical island. "Although on that note, the next update will be earlier, to help compensate. We'll have two certain famous Smashers that were promoted into news anchors next time. Be sure to look forward to that."


	7. Rayquaza Rants

"So, Rayquaza... I heard you have a new show." R.O.B. stated while trying to pick up his blue card.

"I do, and it's better than your show!' Rayquaza ranted as he had his stubby little green arms folded. "Just what is the angle you're trying to give your show, anyway?"

"It's a talk show." Silver The Hedgehog pointed out as he placed a cup of oil on the table for R.O.B.

"Yes. And I'm not sure what your particular program is." R.O.B. responded to Rayquaza as he took a sip. "Why do you seem to harbor a hatred for me?"

"Because you get to be playable in Smash Bros while I'm stuck as a fucking boss." Rayquaza mumbled as he was quite peeved.

"...Time for a commercial break," R.O.B. insisted, being blasted in the face by Rayquaza, who was still feeling pissed.

"That must have hurt." Arceus responded as he was helping to dust off the desk, with R.O.B. reduced to a pile of ash afterwards.


	8. An Anniversary Later

"So you two may have noticed something has turned a year old," R.O.B. spoke up as he poured some coffee into his cup. "...and that you two got new costumes."

"Well... yeah." Fox McCloud spoke up as he coughed, turning to Captain Falcon. "We're... pretty proud of it."

"Are we, Fox? Are we?" Captain Falcon remarked as he turned to Fox, brushing back his yellow scarf.

ROB shook his metal head. "I don't know why you would be jealous. It's a costume for Mii."

"And that's exactly why I don't care for it!" Captain falcon remarked as he glared at the audience of Miis watching the show, who all felt nervous.

ROB picked up his blue card as he glanced at it. "Well surely you must feel happy for-"

"No, I goddamn don't!" Captain Falcon snapped as he then began attacking the Miis, who all ran away screaming for help as Fox and ROB sighed in unison, both disappointed with Douglas.

"This decade hasn't been kind to him, has it?" ROB spoke up after as he placed some papers on his desk.

Fox sighed as he shook his head, holding his hands together. "It really hasn't, but to be fair... if you aren't a Mario, Pokemon, Zelda, or Fire Emblem character these days, chances are you are fucked."


	9. Raining DK

R.O.B. looked around for his cup of oil as he tilted his metal head, squinting his eyes as it was raining in Isle Delfino, specifically pouring harshly in Delfino Plaza, with the robot noticing. "Hmmm... it's storming outside."

"Well, what did you expect?" Silver The Hedgehog stated as he walked in with a couple of papers in his hands, placing them on ROB's desk. "It gets rainy in hot, tropical areas. It's not a surprise to notice how hot it gets."

"Yeah, it's not a surprise." Donkey Kong stated as he was munching on a bunch of ripe yellow bananas, with the two others looking at each other.

"How long as DK been sitting there?" ROB asked while moving his robotic arms around. "I wasn't planning on doing an interview yet."

"Long enough, robot boy. Ask me about my banana cream pie." Donkey Kong stated as he flexed his muscles.

Silver raised his hands as he took a step back. "I'm... just gonna sit this out..." He stated as he turned around, only to slip on a banana peel.

"Well, I guess I could say how good your singing is." ROB insisted as he blinked.

"Oh yeah, I haven't done that in a while." Donkey Kong murmured as he rubbed his chin. "Maybe I should start up another DK Rap."

"Please don't. You know how much we had to get those mindless idiots who cried out 'HE' all the time out?" ROB groaned as thunder boomed loudly, with a bright flash occurring as the lights went out. "Well... there goes the show."


End file.
